One of my special friends turns 30, and is so amazed at the revelation of Gods love for his people and for her in particular. Loosing her biological parents at an early stage in her life opened her up to so many insecurities and feelings of inadequacy that she imagined children who grew up with their parents weren’t facing.
Don’t get me wrong she has such a loving and supportive family and this isn’t a reflection in how they treated or raised her. it’s about the feeling of loss that no one can take away except God. Most of her early years are a blur really but one thing she remembers is that she was angry at God for a while. She adored her biological parents and felt like life would have been easier or even better had they had the privilege of living a long life.
For a longtime when she experienced hurt or any form of anguish, it always took her back to those moments of her parents death. She was unable to move away from that pain. She had to find a way of coping with the loss. She blocked it out and hoped it had disappeared. Everyone who knows knows her can tell you that she cried during movies-love stories make her cry just as much as sad stories- small things move her to tears so you can say she subconsciously channeled her loss into other daily life experiences.
No one talks to children who have lost their parents at an early age about the transition from being in the comfort of their parents arms with the assurance that they are loved eternally to a life without them. She recognizes a privilege that she was able to have a family take her in and raise her as one of their own which is often not the case when there’s a loss of a parent.
Nevertheless the transition is not any easier. You really never know how deep you have buried your pain until you decide to be intentional with your personal growth. She made a decision a year ago to really interrogate her life choices and patterns of thought. It is only then that she realized she had subconsciously allowed her childhood loss to define the way she loved and received not only from her loved ones but also from God.
She felt that she needed to be perfect to be loved by God especially and never wanted to be a bother to anyone especially her family because they had already done too much for her, therefore she must be grateful.
This skewed perspective was a lie from the enemy to keep her from enjoying the freedom that knowing she is eternally loved by a God who is cheering you on to win the race brings. She now knows that she is loved eternally and not afraid to show her love to her friends, family and strangers.
This hasn’t taken away that tightness that grips her throat when she thinks back to those dark moments of loss. She has made peace with the fact that there certain things she will never know or make sense of on this side of time but one thing she knows, she has a father who loves her like no other. To that young Tasha who cried many nights longing for her beloved daddy and mummy, and to any person who still cries when they remember their deceased loved ones, you are not alone.
No amount of tears or words can reverse the past, but we have a future and a present made possible by an all knowing, ever-present and loving God who has your back and holds your future. Trust your pain and your heart with him. Tasha did the same and it has never been the same. ♥Rest In Peace Mum and Dad. You are missed. Thank you for the relationships you created with your family and friends that they have been present throughout her 30 years even when you have been resting for a while now.
Happy Birthday to you my friend 🥂To many more and To long life ( yes it’s a prayer I make that you will live long to see your grandchildren)